Friday, November 9, 2012
The Wedding...
The night before the wedding the hubby was moaping around a bit and I as gently as possible told him, please, if you are going to be like this at the wedding I'd really just prefer you don't come. (you have to know me to know that this way of talking to the hubby is acceptable. I can be a bit abrupt sometimes and he can handle me) My brother and the family were well aware of his new hours and situation so he kinda had a "pass" to not attend. I, for selfish reasons needed and wanted him there to be with me and for the help with the kids, but would also be ok with him deciding not to attend. BUT I definitely didnt want him there if he was going to be the way he was Monday night. He said no, I'll be there and I'll be fine.
Tuesday night (night of the wedding) he arrives, I am so happy to see him, but right away I know something is not right, he again is a bit down and moapy. He's putting a smile on and being very friendly to the family and is happy to see the kids. I give him a quick hug and go get us a drink. I am having to do a speech so I am a little nervous at this point, not to mention I had just misplaced my keys at the Japanese Tea Garden we were at so the blood pressure was HIGH. All of the family is approaching the hubby with their congrats on the new job and wanting to know how things are going. Every once in a while I am catching him with a blank stare.
The night goes on, kids are having a blast on the dance floor, I make it thru my speech and everyone is having a nice time. Everyone but the hubby. It's clear to me we need to leave. I really want to stay because the kids are having a great time, its wonderful to spend time with family I haven't seen in a while., but it's 10 o clock and he's got to be up very early. I know it's best to leave.
In the hotel room we finally get the kids calmed down and we're in bed. He reaches for my hand and apologizes for his mood. He says that he's had yet another really tough day, mentally. (now turning into a tough week) He's beginning to really think about the dangers he'll be putting himself in front of daily and the fact that he has a family to come home to every night and he's worried the more he sees these dangers the more "robot" he'll become in his life. He feels as if he's being selfish putting the family thru this. The conversation continues for a little while about many different thoughts he's having....
After listening carefully and letting him get it all out. I am a bit speechless. I am shocked that he'd even have a second thought at this "dream" job. I remind him that we are in this TOGETHER and we chose this TOGETHER. I also say that I think he needs to give this a fair chance and complete the academy. He agreed. Then comes our boy, "mommy and daddy I want to sleep with you guys!!" Perfect timing little man, come on in:) They always know how to make you feel a little bit better.
PS: Traveling with the kids wasn't so bad. I had a few stressful moments (when I lost my keys. Then the boy threw a fit in front of my entire family the morning after the wedding over no more SAUSAGE) waahhhhhhh
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Your hubby is not alone. My hubby didn't think he'd have much trouble dealing with the things he'd see as a cop because he figured that he'd seen the worst you can see when he was in Iraq as an infantryman. However, just this week, about 6 weeks into FTO, he kind of had a revelation about how challenging this job will be, both because of the awful things he'll have to deal with and the sacrifices he'll have to make. He wants to be a cop and I know he will be so good at it, but he too worries about what will happen to me if something happens to him. So, I'm telling you what I told him: he is not alone. And remember there is no shame in seeking out help if you ever need it. Tell him not to throw in the towel just yet! And for you, stay strong. I've said it myself and it's been said to me: being a cop's wife is not for the faint of heart. You can do it.
ReplyDeleteWife in Blue is definitely right. I myself am marrying into a family where their father in a retired sergeant. I've heard stories of how the family had to adjust to what he brought home with him. His anger and sadness of what he saw day to day in his duties. But I also saw how the family came together and overcame that hurdle. After learning how to deal with the horrific things he saw, he became a better person. He was able to leave it at work and be home with his family. You're hubby is a compassionate and loving person so it will be hard for him to not see his family in the victims he deals with. But he is also a HERO. He is protecting our streets. And he will be so much more grateful, if he isn't already, for you guys when the going gets tough. You guys are a strong family, stronger than most. You'll make it.
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