God will only give you what you can handle

We're in week 9!  I've been absent from the blog for a bit for a few reasons, one is simply  I didn't have much to say.  Things had really gotten better, more manageable, reasonable, less stressful, less temper tantrums from the boy, hubby was physically tired but actually in good spirits.  I really feel like we're in a good spot right now.  A few weeks ago we were really having a tough time adjusting (as you probably already read).  Hubby was absent much of the week and when he was here he was studying, writting papers, shinning boots or plain exhausted. He had missed a few family/friend functions and missed out on some of our evening dinners which is all new for us.  We missed him and he was missing us.  I had always heard and some-what believed that "God will never give you more then you can handle"  I now know and believe this to be true.  I don't consider myself a religious person, I pray daily but am not a every weekend church go-er.   Things were REALLY tough for us and with some time and prayer they just got a little easier. He has been home a few nights in time for dinner, he's adjusted to the early mornings and challenging PT so he's not so exhausted anymore.  He had a few holiday's this month too which helped for family time and rest.   Last night he made it in time to watch our girl sing with her class.  So the saying is true- God really will not give you more then you can handle.

   Another reason I haven't written in a while was becuase  I was also  feeling a bit self-involved-creating this blog and felt like I was complaining constantly.  I am NOT a complainer nor am I a negative person. So I will be working on staying true to who I am and being positive even in tougher times.  My original plan was to create a blog for getting thru the academy and soon-to-be police wifes while also updating family members along the journey too.   And I hope it is just that.

    Today  hubby had what we call a mini-swing shift. He went in at 12:30 pm and will be off at 9:30pm.  It was nice because he got to sleep in a little,  take our girl to school and have coffee and breakfast with me and our boy.  He then took our boy to pre-school and came home to study a bit.  It was nice to spend the morning with him. He's continuing to not only pass in all the tests but excel in the class and become one of the leaders the others look up to. Him and a few others have been recognized for their accomplishments and how well they are doing. I'm sure for hubby it's a nice feeling and helps with the mental struggle a bit.  I know I am so so proud of him and us.

Things are good

Week 6

 End of week 6! The Hubby's attitude is much better, he's been doing some major soul searchin and taking things day by day.  I have failed to mention in my other posts that academically he's kickin butt. He hasn't gotten less then a 88% on all tests!!
We're together working on the boy's behavior and I am really putting my foot down and getting him in check. Our girl who I've rarely talked about is an absolute angel.  Aside of mornings (she's just like Daddy with the hate for mornings) and some homework times she's been amazing.   I often thank her for being so helpful and let her know that she's helping me just by minding and doing what she's told. 
Hubby got his duty belt and bullet proof vest this week. I am not sure who was more excited, him or the kids?!?  It was really cute to see them so in to daddy and to watch hubby explain what each thing on the belt was for. The boy is just over the moon about daddy being a police officer.
I am so excited for this weekend. I have a baby shower to attend of a very close friend, Hubby and I have a date night planned tomorrow night and Sunday brunch/football with the funniest friends/girls I know to celebrate a bestie birthday!  I need this weekend so bad and feel so blessed to have such a wonderful support system around us.  I have received many calls, messages, texts offering support and I can't say thank you enough.  Hubby and I have the very best friends and family. so THANK YOU, you all know who you are!!!! :)

The Wedding...

 The night before the wedding the hubby was moaping around a bit and I as gently as possible told him, please, if you are going to be like this at the wedding I'd really just prefer you don't come.  (you have to know me to know that this way of talking to the hubby is acceptable. I can be a bit abrupt sometimes and he can handle me)  My brother and the family were well aware of his new hours and situation so he kinda had a "pass" to not attend. I,  for selfish reasons needed and wanted him there to be with me and for the help with the kids, but would also be ok with him deciding not to attend.  BUT I definitely didnt want him there if he was going to be the way he was Monday night.  He said no, I'll be there and I'll be fine.

 Tuesday night (night of the wedding) he arrives, I am so happy to see him, but right away I know something is not right, he again is a bit down and moapy.  He's putting a smile on and being very friendly to the family and is happy to see the kids. I give him a quick hug and go get us a drink. I am having to do a speech so I am a little nervous at this point, not to mention I had just misplaced my keys at the Japanese Tea Garden we were at so the blood pressure was HIGH.   All of the family is approaching the hubby with their congrats on the new job and wanting to know how things are going. Every once in a while I am catching him with a blank stare.
The night goes on, kids are having a blast on the dance floor, I make it thru my speech and everyone is having a nice time. Everyone but the hubby.  It's clear to me we need to leave.  I really want to stay because the kids are having a great time, its wonderful to spend time with family I haven't seen in a while., but it's 10 o clock and he's got to be up very early. I know it's best to leave. 

In the hotel room we finally get the kids calmed down and we're in bed. He reaches for my hand and apologizes for his mood. He says that he's had yet another really tough day, mentally. (now turning into a tough week) He's beginning to really think about the dangers he'll be putting himself in front of  daily and the fact that he has a family to come home to every night  and he's worried the more he sees these dangers the more "robot" he'll become in his life.    He feels as if he's being selfish putting the family thru this.  The conversation continues for a little while about many different thoughts he's having....
After listening carefully and letting him get it all out. I am a bit speechless. I am shocked that he'd even have a second thought at this "dream" job.  I remind him that we are in this TOGETHER and we chose this TOGETHER.  I also say that I think he needs to give this a fair chance and complete the academy. He agreed.  Then comes our boy, "mommy and daddy I want to sleep with you guys!!"  Perfect timing little man, come on in:)   They always know how to make you feel a little bit better.

  PS: Traveling with the kids wasn't so bad.  I had a few stressful moments (when I lost my keys. Then the boy threw a fit in front of my entire family the morning after the wedding over no more SAUSAGE) waahhhhhhh

My outlet

Last May I ran my first half marathon in SF with my cousin and some great friends. I would never normally consider myself a "runner" but a friend approached me with the idea and I thought, hey why not?! I had wanted to get in shape anyway and thought it'd be a great way to start.  I/we all trained for 10+ weeks to run our 13.1 miles and boy was it an experiance!!  I found however that running was so so good for my mind, my body and my soul.  I ended up completing the half marathon in 2 hours and 26 min. I had a goal of a much better time, but hey I completed it!   After the half marathon I felt as if I needed something else to continue my fitness journey.  Although I had found a new liking to running, I wanted to take my fitness to a new level, I needed something MORE and a new challenge.  Another friend of mine was looking amazing and turned me on to Jamie Eason's 12 week Live Fit program at BodyBuilding.com ! I am IN LOVE with this program and all of Jamie's recipes.  I have since completed the 12 weeks and then started over recently in the 3rd week to complete the12 again. I am seeing real results and feel amazing. I for the first time in my life enjoy fitness, running, weight training and just being at the gym. I put on my music and just DO IT. It feels amazing. This has been my best outlet for all the stress. I highly recommend it!!

oh POOP

Fri. Day 26 end of week 4!

Made it an entire month just about! Hubby and I both are working thru the struggles and emotions daily together. Every day brings something new and I never know what to expect when he walks in the door.  We're semi getting used to the long hours and change in the household.  Our kids, mainly the boy is giving us a lot of trouble right now.  Really acting up, throwing fits in public and even pooping his pants (he's not yet in Kindergarten, but too old to be doing this!)  I am struggling big time at home with the kids and happy to go to work some days.  I am holding it all together- but by a string. I even left $100 CASH in the ATM the other day just walked away from it,  like an idiot!! Too many things on my mind and on my plate.   To make things more stressful I am preparing to attend my brothers wedding next week.  I'll be traveling and going to the wedding with the kids ALONE.  Some of you moms(especially Military families) laugh and say- oh please I do it all the time! Well I DO NOT.  The hubby and I are a heck of a team- I mean I couldn't have picked a better father for my kids. I count on him so so much for help- he is amazing. AND to make this next week a little bit harder they made him Platoon Leader today for all of next week! At first, I say that's great babe, congrats!! And he says uhhh no, it's going to make for a very hard long week. I am thinking- hasn't it already been a hard very long last 4 weeks?!?! 
Right now though  I am just  happy for the weekend -because he's home with us and all weekend. Sure he'll be studying, working on homework, shinning boots, ironing his uniform for next week, preparing for the Platoon Leader spot but he'll be HOME with us all weekend. We are so happy (me and the kids!)

All these emotions...

Day 22 Week 3

The commute and missing out on time with the kids is really getting to the hubby these days.  At his other job he was able to get to the gym, pick up the kids and start dinner daily.    To keep some routine for the family I make sure dinner is ready to be put on the table when he arrives so that we can sit down as a family for dinner as we always have.  No TV, no phones, no homework, just us and our conversations.
I can see something is bothering him right when he walks in tonight though.  After we read the nightly stories to the kids and they're in bed we talk.  The hubby begins to tell me in detail how hard the day was.  And by hard I mean emotionally, viewing crime scenes and learning to write reports from horrible crime scene's. He's visibly shaken and for the first time  un-easy about this dream job he thought for so long was meant for him.   These new thoughts along with missing the family time is really taking its toll. The emotional roller coaster is beginning.  He's the strongest person I know and he's breaking down, what am I supposed to do as his wife?
 As always, very positive, I hug and tell him to be strong and focus on the future.  One day at a time and I know you can do this babe.  I love you.   While I, too am un-easy about this new job and our future.....

"Go Hubby"

Mon. Day 7 Week 2.

I am steppin up my game!! I have pre-cut and ready for crock pot frozen meals in the freezer, dinners planned for the week, lunches made, garbage cans down on garbage day, feeding the dog, payin bills, dealing with Dr and Dentist apt's, mowing the lawn even- I have NEVER mowed a lawn in my life!!! My 7 year old had to teach me! lol
The hubby is doing a bit better thru the PT. The tuna, spinach, all the support and Epsom baths are helping.   I have been putting little notes in his lunches daily. One of the guys seen them and said man, are we going to see your wife with a "GO Hubby" sign out here during PT one day?!?"  Hubby and I got a good laugh that night just picturing it...   YES they just might one day!
I also have put together a list of Monday gifts I'll be giving him every Monday for the next 27 weeks!   Each gift is accompanied by a small note-a paragraph or two from me.    They can be a bit corny but it's a little something to help him get thru and I will do whatever it takes to support my man!  Here are the a few them:
Fake Mustache's (because he has to be clean shaved and I like his facial hair)
 Reese's (his fav candy)  and the basis of the note was I love you to "pieces"
A mirror for his locker-"I'm quite proud of how far you've come,  "take a look at yourself"
Peanut M&M's  "I want you to know I am NUTS about you"
Dr Pepper "I soda think you are amazing..."

And I am open to any ideas, I need 27 of these things!!!