It's no secret that it's been a tough transition for us(it's after all the reason this blog exists). I felt though that I remained in control of my emotions, stayed positive and strong for me and the family over the last 11 weeks. Even when Hubby didn't look so good nor did he sound so good at times- I still remained very positive and always supportive. In other words, I put on my big girl panties and dealt with it!
I however seemed to have lost my "big girl no crying panties" a few days ago... I believe it started when in one of hubby's scenario tests he informed me they used a real gun with blanks in it to portray an "ambush". So that means that really happens? People really do shoot at cops? I always knew that obviously, but it didn't hit home until my Hubby was "the cops". This freaks me out. And brings me to these questions: Am I cut out to be a cops wife? Can I handle the dangers he'll be putting himself in day in and day out? I knew it was dangerous, but I don't think I ever really grasped just how dangerous it can be. I am confident he is being trained very well and will be well prepared for this dangerous job ahead(he is after all in one of the top 5 Academy's in our state). AND bottom line is- whether I feel cut out for it or not, it's happening, this is my life! I am working on putting my faith in God on this one and do my best to enjoy and make good quality time as a family when he is home.
Also, this week I became very tired of the academy and all it brings. I am tired of the 2 hour drive home for hubby, I am tired of the boot shinning, brass polishing, ironing,studying, paper writing etc.. I miss him and seeing the kids miss him is really hard. It consumes most of his time when he is actually home and I am just over it. We are not even half way yet either!!!! So I text my girlfriend; I need a pep talk, I am not in a good way right now! HELP!! But before I could meet up with the girlfriend, I spilled it all to Hubby. I don't hide my emotions or the way I feel very well, when I am bothered by something he can tell. So of course after the kids were in bed he asked me what is going on?? I completely lost control of the emotions and let him know all that I was worried about. Him and I always have good communication (15 years in the making) and it wasn't that I didn't want to share it with him, but I want to make sure I am always supportive for him. So when I am feeling down and not so positive I want to vent to one of my girls first. He listened to all I had to say and didn't say much but did hug me. (I love our hugs)
It was a good talk and I felt better after. By the time I got to hook up with the girlfriend I felt so much better. It was just a 2 day pity party, but is always nice to still fill her in and get some additional thoughts and discussion in. Also she's always good for a laugh which I really needed!!!
Hugs your way... I know it is hard to be a cop wife... hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI have asked myself the same question - am I cut out for this? - many times too. And the answer is YES, yes you are. Your comments about being sick of the academy...all too familiar. It IS exhausting, and not just for your hubby. When I think back on all the shirts I ironed for my hubby, all the pants I drove back and forth to the dry cleaner, all the time I sacrificed with him at home because he was either not home or shining boots or writing homework reports...I've been there. So you're not alone! It should get a little easier when he's out of the academy...at least he won't have the 2 hour drive because I'm assuming you live closer to his department than to the academy! I hear it gets even better after FTO. :) Hang in there! You're going to make it!
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