It's been a while....

 I have really neglected the blog.... not just because we were having a really fun summer but  it was partly because I was having a pitty party of 1!   I slipped into this weird person and I didn't like it.  I was super negative about hubby's new job and wanted NOTHING to do with anything police or law enforcement related. I stopped "following" any police wife blogs and pages, I had ordered this cute LEW tee and returned it. I couldn't figure out what all the LEW's "loved" about the job!  I didn't want to hear of it and I got annoyed when he or anyone talked about it. 

 Not liking where I was or how I felt I talked to a few friends about this and then hubby - and although it took some soul-searchin I began to feel much better. It's been a few weeks now and I am in a much better place.  I started to realize that it's not really THAT bad- and in talking to friends (who's husbands are NOT in LE) I realize that as wives and mom's we are worried about our husbands and about pretty much everything sometimes!   I am pretty sure that my worry took over and I wasn't looking at the positive aspects of the job- because frankly I didn't think there were any. I am watching a bit of a change happening with the hubby's personality- and while I knew that'd happen at some point, I was having a hard time adjusting to it. He's in a very dangerous city, it's all ugly and negative things he will see day in and day out. And while all these things are true- there are many more positives to the job. 

  The first and most important positive is that hubby is so happy with his job. In fact he gets up everyday(when he's working) at 3AM without hitting the snooze button even ONCE. He cannot wait to go to work. This is huge for him especially since he is not a morning person and for 12 years at his other job I had to practically yell at him to get up at 7AM.  He'd hit the snooze button 10 times!   

Because of his schedule and now a little more on the pay checks we took many small over night trips and 1 week long trip to San Diego this summer. Kids had a blast as did the hubby and I. Also, he can take and pick up our kids from school which he has never been able to do before, him and I go to the gym together on some mornings- hey we have mornings alone- now that's really weird and so nice too. He's proud of himself and so are the kids- which is really amazing to see. 

Something else recently happened that just really blew my mind!  All summer we enjoyed Hubby's schedule and took full advantage with the kids off of school and I also had the same days off as hubby. The huge drawback to this schedule was that he had to work Sundays AND he'd be working Christmas Day this year- one of my biggest fears since day 1. To me Sunday is a family day and especially during football season- we are huge football fans and it's kinda our thing to watch football on Sunday's together.  About 2 weeks ago hubby was offered a bit of a promotion (which in itself is wonderful considering he's only been on for 3 mos) and it was something he wanted to get into anyway.  BUT this called for a schedule change!  Which at first was not so exciting- this means less time for hubby and I since now he'd be off when I work. And we had gotten so used to the schedule and loved it.    But after much discussion and thought between the two of us and him talking with some of the uppers he decided to take this new challenge and go with it. Especially since he's so new and he could very well get a really bad schedule this coming January.

   SO while getting "our feet wet" with this new career and during summer he had that great schedule so that we could spend a lot of time together as a family and now, after summer and we've all settled into the new job -he's making a change.  This means Sunday's off and now Christmas Day off as well.  I find it so crazy that this happens the WEEK OF FOOTBALL opening and Christmas is around the corner.  I think God is trying to tell me to relax, this career is here to stay- it's what completes hubby and I need to be just as supportive as I was last year at this time when we found out he was getting "in". 


PS: one more little(not so little actually) thing- with the new schedule he will miss every one of our daughter's soccer games. HOWEVER the coach decided to do a scrimmage the other day in full uniforms. So it was kinda like he got to see her for her 1st soccer game! (Thank you,  GOD)

My first MAJOR scare..

I had always read and heard that if something happened to hubby it would be a local sheriff or his agency to come tell me. AND knew nothing else. In fact him and I never even talked about it, I mean he's been a deputy for all of about 5 minutes! (actually almost 9 weeks since graduation..) 

Anyway, it was a Tuesday morning. I was just getting my day started at work, hubby had already been on for 4+ hours. A local county Sheriff pulls into my work parking lot. (a little odd since I work in an office where we don't see any LE at all, normally) I immediately think something awful has happened to the Hubby.  My heart is racing, I am shaking, getting light headed even and thinking about 1,000 things a second. I am staring at his car not hearing a thing go on in my office, feeling like it's hard to breathe even.   It feels like an eternity for him to get out of his car and walk into my office just to find out NOTHING is wrong and it was something not even related to me or my husband! (my stomach is hurting and I feel anxious just re-calling the morning)

  Hubby and I had a long talk that night! lol  Come to find out it would in fact would be HIS dept/agency, HIS Lieutenant and or Sergeant and at least 2 Sheriff's always. This info would have been nice to know before this awfully stressful Tuesday morning! 

Before this day I felt like I was actually doing pretty good with the job in general and seeing Hubby SO happy, fulfilled daily and so full of pride in his work that I can't help but just be so happy for him that he's living out his dream. But this day was a minor set back for me, the danger of the job itself really became real. Lets face it, hubby wears a BULLET PROOF vest to go to his job, there is NOTHING normal about that. At some point I hope to be less paranoid and more accepting of the job and having faith he will come home at the end of every shift safely to us, his family. 

It's not that bad......in fact it's been great!

We're on week 3 of hubby's JTO -the agency he started at he'll need to be in the jail for some time before he can go out on patrol.  He seems happy with it, catching on quickly, already saved a person's life (day 3- I think I've heard the story 10 times now! haha)   the traffic situation is better because of the shift times, no longer being a recruit is pretty awesome and meeting lots of other deputy's too.  He has a story or two every day for me- he's very excited every time he talks about it. Some funny and entertaining, some not so much.  I was a little worried at first that being in a jail for 12+ hours would get to him, because he always has worked OUTside.  He says that he goes outside from time to time and it's so busy that he doesn't get much time to think about it anyway.  I realize too though right now it's all exciting and new! So we'll see what time brings. 

  The kids and I love the schedule so far. We're loving him home during the week for school functions, school drop off and pick ups and me because he cooks dinner again, he can drop in my office to say hello and is home when I come home for lunch.  Him and I even snuck away on a Thursday afternoon for some wine tasting and dinner. He does have to do 3 days of a night shift during this JTO, which was weird and very hard to adjust too, but ended up being a short week so we only had to deal with it for 3 nights. Feeling grateful it was so short because that is my least favorite shift. Even with a dog, home alarm and gun I just don't sleep well when he's not here. (I am sure I am not alone in this, fellow LEW)

  We thought he had his real schedule, but turns out they are moving people all around so at this point still no idea what his real schedule will be at the end of the 5 week JTO.   Hoping we'll have it this week and hoping he'll get what he's been on for most of the JTO. Again- he's the newbie so whatever we get is what we get. No complaining! 

At this point I am OK.  I have some ups and downs with the job, worrying and not sleeping well when he's gone at night, I'm adjusting to not speaking to him for 12+ hours at a time - new for us. But then again, I am ok on my own- for a little while that is.  I have great friends and family for support and plenty to keep me busy both at work and at home. 

 So I guess what I am saying is, it's not that bad..... in fact it's been great!

We made it!!

I've been neglecting the blog because my life has been full of exciting milestones and I've been party planning!  1st one on the list was our boy's 5th birthday so we had a big party for him at home.  I've been covering at work so I am working full time (which I am NOT used too, nor do I plan to get used to it any time soon) along with the final days of the academy-very stressful , graduation AND the graduation party it has been hectic to say the least. 

It feels so good to say that WE HAVE MADE IT.  Hubby is a sworn officer as we speak.  The graduation day was full of pride, excitement, some nerves, support from close friends and family. I wrote a little something on my phone's notes section so that I can recall it for the blog: "We're here in the hotel room the night before graduation prepping for the big day tomorrow. I feel excited, nervous, anxious and of course proud. Hubby's hat and boots are shined, uniform in perfect condition, his head and face cleanly shaven. We've been preparing for this for over 6 months, I can't believe it's happening tomorrow."  

 It's been about 2 weeks now, he's in more training to learn more specifics of his job and the agency he works for.  Late last week we received his schedule, to which I am pleasantly surprised. NO NIGHTS- at least not yet.  I am happy that while we're getting "our feet wet" with this new career the hours have went in my favor.   Going into this one of my fears(there are many) was to be home at night alone while he was out working and I know that in time, that will absolutely happen but for now its one less thing for me to worry about.  IT does look like however, he'll be working Christmas Day, early morning. This one will be a tough one for me to swallow, but I've got time to prepare and will over come it like we do everything else.

Hubby's graduation party was perfect!!  I had so much help from family and friends setting up and planning, while he received MANY congratulations, gifts and kind words at the party. With about 100 family and friends in attendance him and I were overwhelmed by the generosity of people and feel incredibly grateful. It was really nice and unforgettable  There are no words to express our thankfulness. (if that's even a word?!)

So here we go with it all, lets see what this career brings! 

2 weeks left!

We're in our final days of the academy! With a little less than 2 weeks left at this point, hubby is studying like crazy and keeping his head in the game more than ever. 
 He spent most of Easter Sunday ironing the uniform, studying, shinning boots, studying, shinning his brass, more studying.  He's got 2 more written tests, 1 written final, a few scenario tests and the physical final on Friday.  His name has also been put in the hat to make the speech at graduation, so on Wednesday they'll have a "speech off" - now he's got to write a mini speech by Wed.  To say the least this is a tough week, may be the toughest after the week 1 that is. 

 To make matter's more stressful, hubby's grandma has recently taken a turn for the worse. She's on her last days, just being kept comfortable at this time.  While she'll be in such a better place, we all realize, it doesn't make it easier and hubby is worried about his mom and how she is doing. I'm doing everything I can to make his life easy right now especially at home. I want him to be able to keep his head in this and do well. 

With the craziness of the week, I'm going to look forward to this weekend.  I've planned a night out just me and hubby and Sunday is our boy's 5th birthday, we're going to have a family day out. 

Here comes the worry....

We've only got 3 weeks left!  I am feeling a bit like time can slow down now.  It's really nice to have him home at night and for the most part pretty normal hours.  We don't know his schedule yet, but I am going to imagine as the new guy they wont be the best hours!   Hubby is looking forward to graduation. I think he's ready and a little anxious also to see if this "dream job" is everything he thought it would be. I figure it will take some time however to know if it is truly that. 

 Going into this I kinda thought the academy would be the easy part (it was by no means EASY!) but ever since day one I was scared of the job itself and thought oh, I have 6 months to get used to the idea and now here we are, it's around the corner.  In less than 3 weeks my husband will be a law enforcement officer.  Lots of emotions are happening right now.  I am flooded with worry, yet proud and happy. Some days I start going through every single worse case scenario that will probably NEVER happen. I will even let it ruin my day or lose sleep at night because I start thinking about all the bad things that could happen or that he could come in contact with and how those things will change him as a person.   I am so scared to lose him, not just physically but emotionally too. Along with my kids, he's my everything, my best friend and teammate in this life we have built together.   Some days when my mind starts going and thinking of crazy things I tell myself; why are you so worried, it's just a job- at the end of the day, it's not that serious, just calm down.  .....Until I see on the news or hear an officer was shot, or worse, killed.  Many people just have no respect for law enforcement any more, it's very sad and scary.

 These thoughts are no way to make it through life in general and especially as a law enforcement wife, I realize this and am working on it everyday.   I am a positive person and plan to remain true to who I am, ALWAYS.  I know he's gotten the best training there is out there (his academy is one of the top 3 in our state), he's a smart man AND he's got a FORCE full of trained officers behind him while the criminal(s) do not. ( A great friend fellow LEW told me this a long time ago and it stuck with me)

With all these emotions and thoughts happening,  I have decided two things: #1 take things one day at a time AND #2 have faith.  

Graduation Day is approaching

This week I ordered hubby's name badge, it felt so official.   Finally we're talking GRADUATION! With about 6 weeks left, the planning has begun.  
Ready friends? and sis? LETS PLAN A PARTY!!